Resolution #2 (of 2)
Posted August 3, 2011on:
I have one more resolution that I would like to mention. In Monday’s blog I mentioned I wanted to change the physical, which meant my weight. And this is very true. But now I want to change ME. I want to change how I view myself, because this will decide how I approach my change.
I have already started on this actually. I’m not a beautiful person, outwardly, and for the longest time I found myself disgusting. I thought I was being punished for something I didn’t even know I had done (or was about to do). One part of me thought that as the other part was screaming that this train of thought was insane. Which it is. Ok, perhaps it’s like the proverbial angel on one shoulder, devil on the other. And that’s one way of looking at it. But I’d like to look at it in terms of logic versus emotions. The logic thinks this is completely insane; the emotions scream it’s the only explanation.
What you must remember is that this whole exchange is done subconsciously; I didn’t even realize I was at war with myself. Now, though, as I am recognizing it, I have to take a conscious step back and really THINK about what I am thinking. Sounds funny doesn’t it?
So now I am ramping up my self-improvement. During the times I wasn’t depressed I wore makeup, took care of myself. During the BLAHS I didn’t care. Now that I recognize what is going on I am taking an active role in keeping myself going, in finding what means a lot to me and keeps me going.
In short I’m learning to love myself.
But boy this can be the hardest thing as we are constantly comparing ourselves with others. But I firmly believe that I must let it happen and NOT try to control it for a desired outcome (meaning, I’m trying to transform into somebody else). We must ‘work with’ what we have, even if that sounds droll and rather heartless. But if, say, I were to get a new nose (my round nose has always been a pet peeve of mine), would I be happy? Probably not because I’ll just find something else to be upset with. I won’t learn to appreciate what I have. Yes, I have a round nose that I don’t particularly like but hey? I can smell. I have a nose.
Let’s go out today, finding something we like about ourselves so that we can, at least, tolerate what we don’t like about ourselves. I think it will change our whole outlook on life.