I have one more resolution that I would like to mention. In Monday’s blog I mentioned I wanted to change the physical, which meant my weight. And this is very true. But now I want to change ME. I want to change how I view myself, because this will decide how I approach my change.
I have already started on this actually. I’m not a beautiful person, outwardly, and for the longest time I found myself disgusting. I thought I was being punished for something I didn’t even know I had done (or was about to do). One part of me thought that as the other part was screaming that this train of thought was insane. Which it is. Ok, perhaps it’s like the proverbial angel on one shoulder, devil on the other. And that’s one way of looking at it. But I’d like to look at it in terms of logic versus emotions. The logic thinks this is completely insane; the emotions scream it’s the only explanation.
What you must remember is that this whole exchange is done subconsciously; I didn’t even realize I was at war with myself. Now, though, as I am recognizing it, I have to take a conscious step back and really THINK about what I am thinking. Sounds funny doesn’t it?
So now I am ramping up my self-improvement. During the times I wasn’t depressed I wore makeup, took care of myself. During the BLAHS I didn’t care. Now that I recognize what is going on I am taking an active role in keeping myself going, in finding what means a lot to me and keeps me going.
In short I’m learning to love myself.
But boy this can be the hardest thing as we are constantly comparing ourselves with others. But I firmly believe that I must let it happen and NOT try to control it for a desired outcome (meaning, I’m trying to transform into somebody else). We must ‘work with’ what we have, even if that sounds droll and rather heartless. But if, say, I were to get a new nose (my round nose has always been a pet peeve of mine), would I be happy? Probably not because I’ll just find something else to be upset with. I won’t learn to appreciate what I have. Yes, I have a round nose that I don’t particularly like but hey? I can smell. I have a nose.
Let’s go out today, finding something we like about ourselves so that we can, at least, tolerate what we don’t like about ourselves. I think it will change our whole outlook on life.
Ok, it’s the beginning of August (Already? Can you believe it?) and I am one to wait until the beginning of the month to begin something new; I guess I’m OCD that way.
Anyway, my first ‘resolution’ (outcome) is to lose weight. This is perhaps the most common resolution out there because it hinges so vitally not only on our health but on our own perceptions, not just of ourselves but of the world around us as well. How we view ourselves is how we view the world around us.
I am not going to give you a harangue (cool…I am learning a new word! It means lecture) about why people are overweight or what makes them that way. I will say that a lot more people are overweight because of something besides laziness. Laziness is the name given by people who feel the need to judge others without looking at themselves first, a very nasty habit of human beings.
I have a hypothyroid issue, along with PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). One of the biggest side effects of both conditions is weight gain. It makes it very difficult to lose. At first I thought it meant physically, that physically it is very difficult to lose weight. And that is true. But to me, it also means psychologically as well. Another big side effect of both conditions is depression. With the main course of depression, a side dish is a huge, heaping helping of the BLAHS. And I live in a big ole’ heapin’ helping of the BLAHs. The BLAHs are can really put a stop to your life. Sure, you ‘function’, go to work, go grocery shopping, go to kid’s soccer games, etc., but it’s not living. It’s the drowning in the sea of the BLAHs that hinder your MOTIVATION to change yourself, to live your life, to even learn from your mistakes.
I want to change this. But the key is to start small. Be rational. You can’t change overnight, no matter how much you want to. LASTING change takes time.
I am giving myself 10 months, June 1. I am making vacation plans for that month and, by that time, I want to have a set routine and results from my resolutions. Tomorrow I will give you my second resolution, then I will give you the goals that I have set up to map it out from there. So, stick around, this should be interesting.
In the meantime, remember that kind word, that little ray of sunshine to break up your monotony? Now would be a brilliant time to find it. GO FIND IT! 🙂
This posting belongs to my new favorite soap, the Zum Goat’s Milk Bar.
It’s made here in Kansas City and is the softest, cleanest, most luxurious lathering soap I’ve ever used. For all you green, environmentally conscious people, you’ll love this soap! I’ve been using Lavender-Mint and, let me tell you, it not only leaves a fresh scent on your body but a wonderful scent in the bathroom as well. It’s all natural, made with goat’s milk, olive oil, coconut palm and castor oil so it leaves your skin feeling soft and pampered.
Now, why on earth would I dedicate a blog posting to a soap? Two reasons:
1. Indigo Wild, the company that makes the Zum Goat’s Milk Bar, is a wonderful local company, and I’m all for supporting Kansas City’s companies. After all, Kansas City is a great city; why not recognize it for great companies too?
2. It fits perfectly in with my goals and resolutions (remember that first posting?), namely to treat myself and change how I regard myself. I have to learn to like myself to appreciate and take care of myself, and if it means a great smelling soap that leaves you feeling confident (great, now who sounds like a soap commercial?), then why not?
Besides, it’s the weekend, do I REALLY want to be thinking important, heavy things right now? No way! I resolve to begin the heavy-hitting posts on Monday, August 1. Beginning of a new month; beginning of some changes.
Meanwhile, go out and have fun! Pick up a Zum bar! Eat something sinful! Do something you wouldn’t normally do! Treat yourself! You deserve it.
Catch ya later.
As I was driving in to work today (you can tell I do a lot of FREE thinking away from the office…), I was observing the people around me. I drive my Honda through very wealthy parts of town to get to my office. While a Honda among the Acuras and BMWs and Mercedes really is commonplace where I live, my Honda is more of my type of car. It’s what I know; it’s how my parents raised me (actually we usually had American cars but I think you know what I mean). And it’s what I can afford. But I’m not going to talk about social circles and society levels.
I was thinking about how robotic our lives have become. We get up. Go to work. Come home. Try to have some semblance of a life, for the very short time we’re home. Go to bed. Repeat. We live for the weekends so we can actually LIVE. When I signed up to be an adult I don’t remember this repetitive cycle being in the contract (that small print…it’ll get ya every time). I KNOW there’s no preparation for it both because, as teenagers, we know everything and didn’t believe a word our parents, grandparents and adult friends tried to tell us. While we may have had good advice, most of us probably weren’t listening.
And as I was studying how robotic and automated my fellow commuters have become, as they were stopped at red lights, preening in front of their visor mirrors and hoping to arrive at the office on time, I realized we need to find something spontaneous and beautiful and funny and bright in our monotonous lives. Every day, if it’s as simple (or not sometimes) as a kind word, a delicate daisy growing through a crack in the sidewalk, or a baby’s enthralled laughter, we need something to get us through, to make us smile.
I dedicate this TGIF posting to all those out there looking for some beauty in their otherwise monotonous day. And when you find it? Share it, pass it along. You never know when beauty will visit you.
ETA: I wanted to share a thing of beauty. Here is my friend, Ava. Her human is a very good friend of mine and, whenever I see Ava’s pic she makes me smile. She’s such a honey. Have a great TGIF!
Well, I could go all cliché and say that ‘This is my first post and I’m nervous and somebody read me!’ but I won’t. I’m not here to make a splash in a world with 5 (or is it 6?) billion people in it. I’m just here to write what I know and, hopefully, make a difference to a reader or two.
All my life I have made goals. I just haven’t stuck with them. The older I get the more I have learned how important it is to keep a promise, especially to yourself. After all, you are your toughest critic and nobody can hurt you more than yourself.
Driving home from work today I was thinking about goals versus resolutions, resolutions being those phrases we make just as it passes midnight on New Years Eve. Why do we make resolutions? Because we want change in our lives. We want something different. We aren’t satisfied with something, whether it be a messy garage or that pesky 5 pounds we gained between Thanksgiving and Christmas, or just to be nicer to our family. But why are resolutions so easily broken?
I think it’s simple. Resolutions are the results we want. We don’t have battle plans to get there.
I have a resolution. I want to change ME. I want to be more confident, more sure of myself. I want to look in the mirror (and believe me, I don’t look in the mirror; I hate what I see) and be able to like myself. There are many ways of doing this but I am going to focus on what is the most glaring. My physical. Now, I’m not a vain person. I never was. In fact I’m about as far from vain as you can get. As a result I have let myself go. I’m not who I need to be. And I have to change that.
If you stick with me I’ll be completely forthright and honest. I won’t sugarcoat. I know what needs to be done but I want to share my progress with the outside world. Because I want to help people, even when they don’t realize they need it. I have some battle plans to reach that resolution…and I have huge, lofty dreams that have hindered my progress. I need you, the reader, to pull me down out of the clouds and keep me grounded.
So, I am wildgingerylocks, and this is my first post. I am nervous. Stick with me? (Ok, ok, I guess I will go all cliché. I couldn’t help it. **smirk**)